Monday, November 14, 2005

Eight Reasons for hibernation

Reason One for hibernation.
I have not been working much and trying to be conscious of my dwindling money, and non-existant savings which seems to evaporate the minute I step outside the house. Hence, the best cure for not spending money is not go out.

Reason Two for hibernation.
It's freezing cold out there. I don't like it. It's not natural. I'd have fur if I was meant to go outside in this baltic weather.

Reason Three for hibernation.
A sudden urge to eat really heavy food. Namely pie and mash with oodles of gravy. I even drank a mug of gravy the other day, and y'know what, I loved it. I'm basically gravitating towards food that will warm and fill me up and set like a nutritious bowling ball in my belly.

Reason Four for hibernation.
I think this reason is directly linked to reason three. Sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. I can't seem to get enough of it. It might be because I'm trying to digest a bowling ball, or maybe because it gets dark at at friggin' 4.30pm. By 7pm my body is saying "You should be getting tired now, it's pitch black outside, and polar bears are rummaging through the bins." Sleep is also a great way to combat cabin fever, which I've been suffering due to reason one.

Reason Five for hibernation.
I have strong feelings that I may have been a bear in a past life.

Reason Six for hibernation.
Winter in this Kingdom seems to be three quarters of the year. Unless I go to Glasgow, where it's more like four fifths of the year. Also it seems if you venture outside you have to wrap up like a michelin man. Not a good look in my book. Great if you happen to get stabbed however.

Reason Seven for hibernation.

The winter blues. I think I get them. Infact, I know I get them. I've seen the light boxes on telly, I've tried to recreate the same effect, by sitting in front of the fridge at night with the door open. This leads to me getting more cold, and a compulsion to eat the contents of the fridge. Again, not a good look.

Reason Eight for hibernation.
I tend to get rather grumpy in the winter. All my mates notice it. Thank God they put up with it. I know I wouldn't. It's a by product of reason one. When you spend a good time alone, like a week, without hardly saying a word to anyone, with hardly any phone calls, you tend to retreat into lumbering bear mode*. Well I know I do.

So there you have it. Eight bloody good reasons to hibernate. The only hurdles I can see is somehow paying the rent for three quarters of the year whilst being in my bed, and how I can get nine months of pie and mash into my fridge.

*This usually for me is getting up at around 10.30, lumber into the lounge, with duvet intact, switch on the telly and get totally engrossed with the English version of Jerry Springer. Sit warm and snug, and smug at the fact that your life ain't never going to be as shit as the ones your watching on the telly. Usually after a while, I wrap up and scurry to the shops and get a Frey Bentos pie-in-a-tin. (It's the crack of the pie world, honest) and a few spuds. Make the food, and demolish it. Then I usually go for a nap till 3.30ish. When I wake up, I usually do the dishes (just so I have a sense of routine and not to incur the wrath of my flatmate. Now it's getting dark, and I slump back into the couch and watch mind numbing telly. Flatmate comes home, we exchange grunts and I usually stay put, remote stuck in my paw. Constant channel flicking then ensues, with little spurts of internet surfing. Eventually I'll get bored, then I'll retreat to my room (cave) and get under the duvet in my bed, and watch a dvd on my laptop until I nod off.

I just re-read that last bit. What a fantastic life I lead!.......not.