Here's my doctrine so far.
The whole world is Kebabylon. The only place to find refuge, and worship is in the many Kebabalah temples, which as you know are everywhere.
It's an ancient sacrifical ritual dating back to when Noah gave thanks after the great flood by roasting a lamb. God smelled the roasting lamb and sent a dove as confimation.
Now days the sacrifical lamb is in the form of a glowing alter with a rotating "meat obelisk" in a central position. The dove has been replaced by a pigeon, which will take small offerings when you leave with your "Feast of Kebabylon"
To worship is simple. You go into the Kebabalah temples and greet the guardians of the alter. You can usually tell who these Kebabalists are, they guard the alter with long, sharp knives.
The Kebabalist will skillfully shave some of the symbolic lamb from the alter and place it in traditional unleavened bread. He will then offer you the results of this years harvests. Mainly lettuce, onions, tomatoes and cucumbers.Then he will consumate the offering with garlic and or chilli sauce.
At this point you will be asked for a donation for the upkeep of the temple.
Please give the Kebabalist approximately £2.70 and thank him.
All that is left now is to accept the symbolic offering and consume it with vigour, and fully accepting Kebabalah into your heart and soul.