Football and meat with a key.

I went to the England vs Azerbaijan game last night. I don't really follow football at all, but since my short time in this town, I have been party to a few conversations about football. Apart from glazing over in about 2 minutes, I'm slowly accepting the fact that being male and supporting football are joined at the hip. So I'm trying to learn a little about the names, teams and the world cup. My first dumb question was "Are we in the white or the red." Silly me. The next salvo was "Who the fuck is Azerbaijan? And where is it?" I was informed that it was a Russian knockoff near the Caspian sea. At least my geography skills are expanding. What a bonus. At this point I decided the best course of action was to drink Guiness. Yum. Fast forward 6 pints later and the game is over. England 1 Azerbaijan 0. Now this got me thinking a wee bit. A population of 60,000,000 vs 8,500,000. If this country with such a huge pool of people can only muster 11 blokes, that are supposed to be the best of the best, and only manage to score one goal against a little blip on the Caspian sea. I can only conclude that the England football team are shit and doomed to fail. I almost blurted out words in the pub to this effect, and I'm glad I didn't. I would have probably collected a glass in the face or a nice big fist on my chops. Wise move methinks. Fast forward to getting home and feeling a little drunk. (I think this was due to my open throat skulling beer trick, I showed my mate, as we left the pub.) Anyway I was feeling very hungry and started to look around for fodder. In the cupboard, right at the back was a little treasure tin. Its crap, totally processed and its my secret supermarket fetish food. Corned Beef. I don't know if its the packaging, with the cool little key. C'mon folks what other meat product do you need a key to unlock? It must be special! Maybe Corned Beef's cheap cousin Spam? Haven't gone down that road yet, so I must investigate spiced ham one day. Anyway back to beef. Folks here's a tip. Microwaving this little parcel will melt all the fat into the meaty goodness. Two taste explosions for one low price of 79p. You cant beat it. Or if you were like me last night, and drunk, you can eat it straight out of the tin. No washing up! Lovely. Suffice to say I went to bed full and happy.